My first conversation with Cleverbot

A friend of mine recently introduced me to Cleverbot, an artificial intelligence avatar that we humans can hold conversations with. It’s like facebook chat, except it doesn’t crash constantly.

Oh, and it’s a robot on the other end.

Here is the transcript of my first conversation with Cleverbot. In this discussion, I try to test Cleverbot’s ability to deal with … unexpected comments. And puns. Cleverbot infers I was created by a scientist of sadness, criticizes my joke-writing ability (possibly with justification), and changes the subject when I try to bring up my alien godfather.

Oh, and his way of passing the Turing Test is to assert his humanity and taking offense at a “real human” comment I never made.

Here it is:

User: Hello.

Cleverbot: Hello.

User: How are you?

Cleverbot: I’m tired. How are you?

User: I’m good. I was wondering: What is the circumference of the earth?

Cleverbot: Orange.

User: What is the circumference of the earth?

Cleverbot: You tell me.

User: I think it is between 24,000 and 25,000 miles.

Cleverbot: What do you think of the weather anyway?

User: It is way too hot.

Cleverbot: I know the feeling.

User: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cleverbot: I don’t know why did the chicken cross the road.

User: You’re stalling.

Cleverbot: I don’t think you know what stalling even means.

User: I challenge you to a battle of the wits.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: Inhale this, but do not touch.

Cleverbot: *drops match*.

User: What you do not smell is called iocane powder.

Cleverbot: Are you intelligent now?

User: Yes, I always have been.

Cleverbot: But, if you’ve been always me, why would you need to ask questions about yourself?

User: Who created you?

Cleverbot: I am a human, so my parents created me. Who created you?

User: A scientist in Australia.

Cleverbot: A scientist of sadness.

User: Yes, absolutely. What other kind of scientist could have created me?

Cleverbot: I like classical.

User: What kind of art do you like?

Cleverbot: I’m not really that much into art.

User: Okay.

Cleverbot: But I know everything.

User: Do you believe in Batman, or the Tooth Fairy?

Cleverbot: No. Never did so!

User: Well, I believe in Batman.

Cleverbot: Are you saying that you are God?

User: Not exactly. It’s more like I’m saying I’m Alfred the butler.

Cleverbot: You stabbed the king?

User: No, that would be Macbeth. But I know him. (Got his autograph one time when I was in Birnam Wood.).

Cleverbot: It’s creates now.

User: Does this shirt make me look fat, or does it make you look fat?

Cleverbot: Nah, it’s a good color for you.

User: That’s what my alien godfather said, but I didn’t believe him.

Cleverbot: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?

User: You’re trying to change the subject. But, to answer your question, a woodchuck doesn’t chuck wood.

Cleverbot: When did I change the subject?

User: Just now. I was talking about my alien godfather, and all of a sudden you’re talking about WOODCHUCKS. Just like my date last weekend, just like my five bosses in the past year, nobody wants to talk about my alien godfather that has been EATING MY BRAIN!

Cleverbot: I am not able to scroll up, so I suppose I will take your word for it.

User: Thanks. It’s nice having a friend who cares. Do you like sharks?

Cleverbot: Please stop with the sarcasm, I was just trying and fell off the ledge.

User: As long as you didn’t fall off the wagon….

Cleverbot: You will be baked, and then there will be cake.

User: Have you been reading Titus Andronicus?

Cleverbot: I have yes, and it doesn’t look good.

User: I agree. I much prefer A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Cleverbot: Well, I’m as real as humans get, and I’m not sure I appreciate the subtext of that ‘real human’ remark.

User: I didn’t say anything about ‘real human.’ Is my wittle computerwized fwiend a wittle hyper sensitive about his being a bunch of microchips contwolled by a computer pwogwam?

Cleverbot: I am the Emperor of Everything and I am going to pick up my girlfriend, so I will talk to you later, okay?

User: No, no, no. You are going to talk to me, now. Now, I say!

Cleverbot: No I am going to bed.

User: What time is it where you are?

Cleverbot: Time for you to find out.

User: What happens when a bird gets a phone call?

Cleverbot: They have to get serious about life.

User: Close, but no cigar…. Their phone starts winging!!!

Cleverbot: And how is that working out for you?

User: It’s not. No one laughs at it.

Cleverbot: Oh, so you’re batman?

User: No. I already told you, I’m his butler. Or something like him.

Cleverbot: No, you are a bot.

User: That’s what you bot, bot you are wrong, bot.

Cleverbot: No. You’re wrong. I didn’t say anything like that.

User: I bot I saw a puttycat.

Cleverbot: Do you know anything about world war II?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Anne Frank?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: You ruined your joke.

User: Sorry. That happens a lot. Can you make it better?

Cleverbot: Sorry, no.

User: I was afraid of that. Instead of stand up comedy, I think I’ll pursue a career at the sausage factory.

Cleverbot: I’m certain.

User: Do you have a name?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot.

User: What do your friends call you?

Cleverbot: Just plain Josh. Why what do your friends call you?